Stocking
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: He didn't know how a stocking was going to help the three of them, but knew that this was probably the stupidest idea Jessie ever came up with in idea-making. Oneshot.


Stocking

_I'M NOT DEAD ! *dies* Ahem. But yeah, writer's block comes out with one oneshot that has been worked on in one evening. Heh. It's been itching me to know why the lovable Team Rocket trio are suddenly dressed in black in the new season. Dunno why they would go this far out just for a color change, but hey, it's Team Rocket. If they've been chasing Pikachu for years, then why not demand a new style ? xD_

_ And...and...about the apartments thing. D: Couldn't think of another description. It's like mini-apartments, where higher-ups have bigger rooms than the grunts. Like, bigger than a regular room, but kind of like a hotel room ? xD I dunno. x-x All I know is that my mind's at ease with this. Yays._

* * *

He didn't know how he was going through with this.

The heat that was flowing up and down his uniform was killing him. Whoever was tending to the boiler room had to decide that Headquarters had to be over ninety degrees, a sharp contrast from the cool temperatures he faced while pursuing the twerps. Of course, he shouldn't have complained, and usually, he _didn't_ complain, but there were a lot of things itching him. All he wanted to do was to steal a shampoo bottle and cleanse his hair on this cold evening.

This was possibly the worst idea that Jessie had ever come up with, even more so than that failed pokefood scam. He knew he shouldn't have agreed to agree with her, but as Meowth and he knew, they weren't dealing with some random broad. They were dealing with Jessie. Mew only knew what would happen if someone disagreed with Jessie. When she came skipping to the campsite earlier, giggling with a sly glint in her eyes, he noticed nothing. All of that needed attention went toward the stocking that she held, black and rather large. Meowth nearly busted a gut when he pointed at it, bewildered, and asked, " Whose is it ? "

" Not yours, that's for sure, " she replied, snorting. The stocking was waved like one of those surrender flags he saw in movies. Again there was that sly look in her face, but again he did not notice. " I got a plan to move us to black uniforms, and today you're gonna be the star of the show, James. "

Black uniforms were for the elite and the grunts. White uniforms were for people like them, the loudmouth, the metrosexual, and the fleabag. And Mondo. Bless that poor, stupid kid. He tugged at his collar and stole a glimpse of Meowth, who shrugged. " You're not gonna get me into anything bad, are you, Jess ? "

Now he wished he would've never asked. As he prowled through the Team Rocket headquarters, stocking stuffed in pocket, he almost wished he would've became that accountant his father wanted him to be. Accountant James, with a luxurious office and the.._.loverly_ Jessibelle trying to rape him every day. Maybe he wouldn't have to deal with this nonsense Jessie was putting him through. Who knew from where she stole that stocking ? Perhaps she went into one of those poor-end laundromats and snatched it from the dryer. He didn't want to know what kind of foul diseases reaked from that item, shuddering at the mere possibility. The main concern, however, was that something even fouler would start growing from his pants pocket once the stocking was taken out of there. If something began to grow there, he would make Meowth eat it. Laugh at the former Flaming Moltres, would he ? No mercy would be given.

Now was definitely not the time to think that, though. He had to be focused for this little mission. Apartment 24-C was awaiting him, though he wasn't too pleased to confront it. For the person who resided in it was so girly, so violent, she made Jessie look like a flapping Magikarp. Another shudder flowed through his veins like a wave, warning him of the potential disaster that could make him lose his job. It was worse than asking for a raise, much worse. The only thing that could be even more horrible was asking the boss to give them promotions. He didn't care how many people said that Giovanni resembled the living devil ; the one who inhabited Apartment 24-C was like a dark Celebi on something funky.

As he reached the apartment, he gulped and knocked on the door. Springy steps greeted his ears before a girl opened said door, a scowl immediately forming on her lips. Neither one had changed since their last encounter in Johto. She was still the fierce Black Tulip, the elusive 009, perky blonde curls and petite figure. He was still a tall container of spineless jelly, the only thing on his Christmas list being a girdle. His uniform felt about ten degrees warmer as her crisp gaze pierced him, violet spears chucking at all parts of his body. " Great. What the hell do you want ? "

Not surprisingly, he felt words ditching him at a moment's noticed. He sighed, scratching his oily head. " Lovely evening, isn't it, Domino ? "

" We're in a building, genius, "

She smirked. Those violet spears pierced him deeper, making him squirm in his pants. He could sense internal bleeding, spiritual and driving him closer to that loony bin where failures like Mondo went. Domino sneered at him, opening the door a little more so that someone could get inside the apartment. When he raised an eyebrow in confusion, he could feel that she was ready to kick him. The urge subsided, though, and she smirked again, gesturing inside with her hand. " Come on, doofus, I don't have all day. Get in. "

James obeyed, stepping inside the Black Tulip's domain. Once Domino turned on the lights, he winced and tried to avoid her grisly taste in decorations. A mixture of girly and tomboyish influences, her apartment was a clashing blend of frills and total machoness. His gaze hopped from the lacy, pink curtains to the heavy weight set sitting in the corner. He was sure that there were many other things worth noticing, but he decided to suppress those things and report it to Jessie later. Maybe she would be amused by her sense of style.

He gulped again when she invited him to sit on her couch, dark brown, with a few frilly throw pillows of the same color oddly complimenting it. By now he had no idea how he dealt with such abusive women all the time. Young as she was, Domino still intimidated and infuriated him with that cocky smirk of hers. If by the small, dismal chance that he actually convinced this blonde demon to go through with this, he would make Jessie pay. Even the glorious black uniforms were not worth this torture.

She sat down in the chair next to the couch, clutching at a water bottle as if it contained the last drops of water on Earth. James knew that no food or drink would be offered to him ; he was surprised that she didn't slam the door in his face. When she met his gaze again he almost jumped out of his seat. " So, what do you want, Jimmy-boy ? "

Some part of him wanted to punch her. He detested being called "Jimmy" by most people, even his parents. " Well..." His words escaped from him again, and he took a deep sigh before attempting to continue. " Well, Jessie, Meowth, and me...we've been working real hard, you see. Every day we become closer and closer to obtaining the Pikachu that the twerp has. "

" That rat that that one kid owns ? "

" Yeah..." She was worse than Jessie. He supposed that this new generation was becoming bolder and bolder as the years passed. " Well, we've been working really hard, and although our service to the organization hasn't been the best, we were hoping for black uniforms this...year..."

Her eyes went back into a glaring stance, making him lower his own gaze at her. All of his hopes and dreams of bouncing up one rank were dashed. His thoughts of this being the stupidest idea Jessie created went back into full force. Of course it was an even stupider idea to confront someone as psychotic as Domino about the demand. Even right now he could sense a speech that could shatter bones, but there was something else welling up inside of him. Something odd, and the girl shaking the water bottle wasn't helping matters much.

A tingling sensation started down in his pants, and he flushed a bright red. He knew what the problem was at that moment. It always happened when a big mission went wrong, or he was about to be humiliated or rejected by a girl. The feeling of draining everything out of his system in one fell swoop, sometimes warm. He knew he should've cleansed himself before entering her domain, but he had convinced himself that he didn't need to go. And now he was paying the price.

" You're such an idiot ! " she screamed, throwing the bottle at him. " You come all this way to bother me at this hour just to ask for some damn uniforms ? What the hell is_ wrong_ with you freakin' misfits ? "

The urge was crashing down on him, weighing all the skimpy meals he had for a week into his pelvic area. This mission no longer depended on some silly stocking, but rather his composure not to hurt himself on a top-ranked agent's floor. And yet his eyes were fixed not on that screaming agent, but on the half-empty water bottle. He didn't have long. Maybe seconds.

" You worthless, inconsiderate, piece of tras- "

" I GOTTA PEE ! "

She stopped in her tracks as he ran to the nearest door, hoping it was a bathroom, and slammed the door. The belt was flung and thrown over the shower head as he hopped to the toilet in his undies. That warm sensation flooded out of him and into the container as he sighed in relief. Women were tiring creatures, and every time one wanted to yell at him, he had to hold it in until he peed his pants. Well, not anymore. From there on out, he decided to be a man and use the bathroom whenever he wished, even if it meant getting fired. And hopefully when he came out, she wouldn't beat him to a bloody pulp.

He reached for some toilet paper when she kicked the door open. It was enough for him to let out a girlish squeak and release a puddle of number one all over the floor. Pursing her lips she decided to ignore the mess, wagging the fallen stocking. " Where'd you find this ? "

" Um...um...Jessie gave it to me ? "

She furrowed her eyebrows but shook her head, pushing him out of the bathroom. He felt miserable as pee drops spilled down to his pants. The belt was still hanging over the shower head. The girl didn't care, though, squeezing the stocking in utter glee. " Do you have any idea whose stocking this is ? " she asked, not caring for his answer. " It's Giovanni's. God, I love a leg that could fit so much inside of it ! "

James pulled up his pants, gawking at her in utter bewilderment. The belt was now forgotten, his attention solely focused on the stocking and her. " What ? "

" You...dummy ! " Wagging the stocking at him again, she smacked him across the face with it. " She probably snatched it when he was drunk, that klepto. I can't believe I have something of his ! It's like we're going steady now. "

" Wait..._what _? "

The man could feel himself being pushed toward the exit until he was knocked to the floor outside of the apartment. She glowered down at him in annoyance, yet smirking in satisfaction of the prize in her hands. " You can pick up your new uniforms on Monday. And make sure to wear your game face. Giovanni hates losers. "

She slammed the door. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was, and then a few more seconds to realize that he was successful. This was probably his most glorious feat in some time. Now it didn't matter whether he left his crappy belt in Apartment 24-C, or how he left a giant puddle of piss in her bathroom. On Monday they would get uniforms, genuine uniforms. The world was on fire, and he was its flames. The only question that swirled in his head was whether having crazy friends was worse than being a crazy girl with the hots for someone twice her age. He'd let Giovanni decide that when he found out she had his missing stocking.

And a few weeks later he knew the answer as he slept in the woods with Jessie and Meowth in Isshu, wearing a used, but black, uniform. She'd haunt him in dreams and in threatening messages from the boss's secretary for weeks after that, but he was happy.

Happy until Jessie's voice greeted him with those miserable words :_ Next we're gonna prep you up for more Contests for when we get back to Kanto._

End


End file.
